stuff i've said to my dog

Did mommy lock you out of the bedroom like a mean bitch? She’s a real mean bitch, isn’t she? Gimme a kiss!

You’re so handsome. I’m going to bite your face off while you’re sleeping.

Yes, I know you have a face. I see it. It’s a very nice face, if I do say so myself. I’m gonna rip it off and take it to work with me.

I think I will pinch your cheek like this and then give you a little kiss. Now let’s go outside and make a pee-pee.

I am your MOTHER. You treat me with RESPECT.

I love you. You have the cutest chompers and I’m just going to eat you up for a little snack.

You’re a big-time pooper. Great job!

You’re nutty and a little bit gross and I love you.

You love to have your ears scratched because you’re a handsome little man. That’s the reason.

Yes, I hear you huffing and puffing. You’re extremely huffy and extremely puffy.